When She Smiles At Me
by Sunfreak
Summary: Kagome confronts her feelings about the one who unknowingly holds her heart, and she isn't the only one . . . Yuri and yaoi.
1. When She Smiles At Me

A/N: And now for something completely different. Because yaoi may be rare in the Inu-Yasha fandom, but YURI is even harder to find, and I really do think that this is a perfectly viable possibility. Kagome's POV, just a drabble.  
  
  
  
"When She Smiles At Me"  
  
  
  
I'm afraid, I think.  
  
But when I look at her, it's so hard to be anything but happy. Comforted. I don't fully understand this feeling . . . it's almost like the way I used to feel for Inu-Yasha, but a million times stronger and with a far deeper yearning behind it.  
  
I think . . . I may be in love with Sango-chan. When I am with her, my face gets hot and I forget all about Hojou-kun and Inu-Yasha, and the only things I can see are her beautiful face and kind, gentle smile. When we are in battle, my eyes always look to her, and my heart threatens rebellion whenever she suffers.  
  
Miroku-sama loves her too, I think. I don't know if she loves him back. I used to be so certain that she did, but now I just can't tell. Maybe I am only deluding myself; trying to ease the pain of not having her.  
  
But Inu-Yasha smiles at me so sadly these days. He knows. He's probably known longer than I have. I can't deny it, and I'm truly sorry, because I can tell that it saddens him. He isn't so close to me as he used to be either, and it hurts that he turns to Miroku now for conversation and sometimes avoids my eyes.  
  
But I want to be with her, so I'm leaving him, even if I haven't really gone anywhere at all, even if I was never really "with" him anyways. I'm walking such a thin wire here, and it frightens me so much . . . yet I can't stop. I'm risking the loss of every other friend I have for her sake.  
  
Because, really, she's so beautiful when she smiles at me.  
  
  
  
* ende * 


	2. My Insane Arrogance

A/N: Inu-Yasha's POV. Only fair, seeing as the poor boy got dumped last installment.  
  
  
  
"My Insane Arrogance"  
  
  
  
I get up on my feet again. It's hard, sometimes, to remember to wake up in the mornings and keep fighting without her. It isn't like she's left or anything, it's just . . . she's gone. My Kagome is no longer mine, and I feel as if Kikyou has shot me again with her arrows of bitter love and sweet despair.  
  
I know it makes no sense; even Miroku has told me that. But I run to him so often now, I don't think he has the heart to say so again. I hide behind him when she tries to speak to me, and feel bad for hurting her. She's so afraid of her new feelings; I can tell, and she needs someone to tell her that it's okay, but I can't bring myself to do so. I'm too hurt myself.  
  
Miroku is getting suspicious. He is so gentle with her now, and he speaks so softly when she and I are in close proximity, like he's afraid to cause a disaster. Sango too is worried- she asked me what had happened, and I told her "You did." I doubt she understood.  
  
It doesn't matter. It's not important what she thinks anymore. I like her; we're still friends, but for the life of me, I can't bring myself to care about her confusion when my heart is doing this to me AGAIN. This horrible, rip-you-in-half agony when you want two people. I thought it was over with when I finally got over Kikyou enough to face her without wanting to hug her.  
  
But . . .  
  
I kissed Miroku a few days ago.  
  
Don't get the wrong idea- it wasn't because I was upset about Kagome or Kikyou, it was because I was upset about HIM. He was just sitting there, silent and so sad- Miroku should never be sad. It isn't like him. So I asked him to tell me what was wrong- well, okay, demanded.  
  
He just gave me the loneliest look I have ever seen in anyone's eyes. Even Kikyou never looked so hopeless, so world-weary. And I was so upset- he'd been there for me for so long; how could I let him suffer so much? And in my insane arrogance, I kissed him and thought it would make things better.  
  
In a way, I think it did. He smiled a little bit when I moved back and seemed kind of amused. "Was that the first time you've really kissed anyone?" he had asked.  
  
I had been embarrassed, but admitted to it. Well, there had been Kikyou, of course, but she had technically kissed me and I was not exactly lucid at the time. You know, evil spells and all. It happens.  
  
But also, now I fear I've upset him somehow too. He gives me odd looks and sits very close to me, and seems a little overly protective. I am the stronger of us, but he acts as if he were supposed to be responsible for me. It's sort of confusing. I'm not used to being protected, but I'm pretty sure the strong are supposed to defend the weak. Not that he's weak in the traditional sense- he's the most powerful human I've ever know, Kikyou aside- but I am by far stronger.  
  
Then again, I was never too good at protecting my most treasured people. And it's strange; I can sense that he feels the same way, and the two of us are drowning together and helpless to save each other.  
  
Am I really in love again? Am I really that stupid? Is my heart so weak and vulnerable that I fall victim to everyone that I cannot have?  
  
Except . . . I think I CAN have Miroku. Maybe, if I'm careful this time. We haven't actually talked about that kiss again, but he hasn't asked his infamous question to anyone since. This is not exclusively because of me, I am sure, but I'd love to think I had something to do with it.  
  
Kagome doesn't seem to have noticed the change in my feelings towards him.  
  
And strangely, I don't mind at all.  
  
  
  
* ende *  
  
  
  
. : r3v]3w. j00 go7 t00 : . 


	3. The Dreaming Places

A/N: *shrugs* Yah, I know I'm grounded and not supposed to be online, much less updating. And yah, I know that the last installment of this said "ende" at the bottom, but then again, so did the first one. Besides- people asked for more, it's perfectly logical to continue, and I'm curious to see if I can take this thing any further without screwing it over. I may even do a fourth chapter for the houshi if I get a good idea or am prodded enough. ^_~ Do I hear any complaints? I thought not.  
  
Actually, I think this is one of the best things I've written in a while. I'm very proud of it- which is WHY I'm sneaking online to post it. Be happy, damn you!  
  
And now . . . Clueless!Sango's POV. Watch out, this chappie gets a little bit creepy. Less mush, less romance, more sexuality, more scary angst and now with added gory imagery! You KNOW you want it, bitch. *whip cracks*  
  
A request-fic goes to the first person to find the Dickens quote. -^__~- Nyao.  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
"The Dreaming Places"  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
Something is going on here.  
  
I can sense it looming behind me, like a creeping youkai with poison hidden in its fangs and a deranged grin- the kind that can kill you and be gone before you even know you're dead.  
  
Kagome-chan has been upset, and seems to be playing with Shippou and Kirara more often to distract herself. Inu-Yasha is clinging to Houshi-sama like a frightened child, and Houshi-sama clings back protectively. They don't even know they're doing it half the time.  
  
We were in a fight the other day, and Houshi-sama was punched in the gut. He's had worse and shaken it off easily, but from the way Inu-Yasha reacted you'd think he'd been split open from hip to lip. The youkai was dead in the next instant, and Inu-Yasha was fussing over Houshi-sama like a mother hen before the body hit the ground.  
  
A few days before that it was the new moon, and Houshi-sama spent the entire night by Inu-Yasha's side, not leaving him alone for more than a moment until dawn. I don't know if he wanted to protect him or just make sure that he wouldn't run off the way he usually does.  
  
But I'm pretty sure that Houshi-sama didn't need to hold his arm the whole time.  
  
Kagome-chan was watching me that night. She didn't even seem to notice the others. It made my face hot, like when the monk watches me and says he wants me. But he hasn't done that lately, and even when I tried to hint that I kind of liked it when he did, he just smiled and gave Kagome-chan a funny look and kept right on not doing it.  
  
I don't understand him at all.  
  
But then again, I never did.  
  
I like Kagome-chan better sometimes. She doesn't look down on me like he usually seems to. I can't really blame him, but he just doesn't like women that much.  
  
Well, maybe I should rephrase that. He likes us TOO much. He thinks we're dolls, so he pets us and plays with us and tells us how very beautiful we are, but he can't really "connect" with us. He sees gods, not girls. It isn't his fault, really, and I can tell that he doesn't even mean to do it, but . . . he still does. He worships at our altar and idealizes us in his mind with lotus-incense dreams and oft-whispered but genuinely-felt prayer.  
  
I suppose that I understand better him than I thought. But still . . . still.  
  
I don't want to be beautiful. I don't like it when he brushes my hair into place or gives me flowers. It's nice to be pampered occasionally, but it's not the life I want for myself.  
  
I want to be a warrior, and I want to give the gift of death to all the angry souls in the world, so they can go to the dreaming places and be at peace. I want to give it back to Kohaku, who had it and lost it, and will never let my own soul be stilled until he is dead again.  
  
I live because of him. I live only for him.  
  
I am his family, but part of that, I've learned, involves doing what is best for him. I am his sister; he is my brother. We are each other's parents.  
  
And our souls are very much the same.  
  
So until he is dust and dirt and ash, I will exist, and will love him even as I hunt him down like the dog he's become and kill him in the small hours with the knife our father gave me. I will make him bleed and hack that traitorous monstrosity that makes up the Shikon shards and their magic out from under his skin, and it will be beautiful, and then I won't have to be.  
  
He would make a lovely corpse.  
  
I suddenly miss Kagome-chan, and feel an unfamiliar need for warmth. She's only asleep, but there is a sudden, irrational terror in my mind and I go to her.  
  
She's lovely in repose, you know. Dark hair made to gleam in the firelight, skin that should always be touched, and a face that I would love to see in nothing but candlelight.  
  
But that's a thought just for me. For my nice place, where I go when I know I'm safe. Houshi-sama likes to take me there sometimes, but he's always very careful to make sure we come back. Kagome-chan doesn't know HOW to come back. She'll laugh and throw her head back, baring her neck to the world without fear. She'll take a bath without automatically searching the trees- unless she's looking for Houshi-sama, of course.  
  
She's so sweet, always. Never suspicious first, never cruel. Never mean on purpose.  
  
And she's gorgeous when I get to see her naked. See her wet and laughing with her bare throat and soft curves, let my eyes go from white hip to smirking lip, and then I am the one who worships at the altar of woman and wants to give out flowers and light lotus-incense dreams.  
  
"Kagome-chan," I call softly, touching her shoulder, and her eyes open groggily.  
  
"San-chan?" she asks, still half-asleep. I like that name.  
  
The fire is dying, but for the first time . . . in a very long time . . . I want to live.  
  
"Come to the water with me," I whisper. "Let me see you there again."  
  
She does, and I do.  
  
She lets me kiss her.  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
* ende *  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
. : review or no houshi pov! *_* mwahaha! : . 


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